Waiting is Agony

We have been told that the wait for TA (Travel Approval)  is 1-2 weeks. Last month I saw some people get TAs in 7 days. Last week, Wednesday, our agency told us we showed in the system as TA. This was great news! But we can’t request a CA appointment (Consulate Appointment – the last appt we’ll have in China before returning back to the US with Aili) until they have the actual hard copy in hand. We can’t know when we’re traveling until we see which date they give us. Which also means we can’t buy plane tickets, book hotel rooms, or plan any of our trip! Heartsent told me they expected it this past Tuesday or Wednesday since Monday was Veterans Day. Heartsent is in California, so there is a 3 hour time difference. They also told me that their DHL deliveries almost always come before noon. Since they open at 9am (noon our time), I stared at my phone from 12-3pm on Tuesday willing it to ring. After 3pm I was still wishful thinking that they might receive the package after 12noon. Nothing. It was a very difficult day.

We really wanted to travel next week originally. But the issue with the Article 5 taking longer than expected pushed us back a couple weeks. Now we have been told that we are shooting for a Gotcha Day (the day we get Aili!) of Dec 2nd. But that was when our agency thought we’d be getting our TA this week. Now if we don’t, we’ll be pushed back another week!

Wednesday, I woke singing…This is the Day, This is the Day, That we get TA (That we get TA), I will rejoice, I will rejoice, and be glad in it (and be glad in it), This is the day that we get TA, I will rejoice and be glad in it, This is the Day, This is the DAY THAT WE GEEEET TEEAAA!

Only it wasn’t THE DAY. I felt sicker and sicker as the day went on with the gut feeling we weren’t going to get the call. I had no reason to think that we wouldn’t get it. I asked other adoptive mommies how long after they showed in the system did their agencies get the hard copies. I got several answers and none were over a week. The phone never rang.

At that point I really started fearing that we wouldn’t even get it this week and the possibility of having to wait another week to hold my daughter in my arms became real. This might seem dramatic to those that haven’t been through this process. You can’t possibly understand. It’s agony.

Thursday has to be our day, right? Nope. As the minutes ticked by, my heart felt as though it was being torn just a little more apart. Becoming harder to breathe with each breath. I was feeling a depression I have never experienced before. Again, may sound a little overboard for some of you. I’m only writing of my true experience. There are what seems to be 1 million steps in this adoption process. There are steps that you have no idea how long it will take and you just wait every day to hear SOMETHING. Then there are steps that are SUPPOSED to be predictable, like this one and the Article 5 and they get extended and everything is beyond your control. Good Lord, PLEASE get me to my baby!

I talk to friends and family and everyone wants to make me feel better, so they say…Oh, it’ll happen when it’s meant to, or There’s nothing you can do, so no reason to get upset. That’s probably exactly what I would tell someone in my shoes. It’s not that easy. I’ve been dying to hold her, to touch her face, to kiss her eyes and the booboos I saw on her legs in one of the videos. Everything in me just wants to let her know that she has a Mommy and Daddy and a sister that will love her and protect her forever. I understand it’s out of my control. I understand that God has a plan and I just need to go along with it. But right now I just want to scream…IT’S NOT FAAAAAAAIR!!!!!!!!!!

Today is Friday, it is now noon. I’m going to workout so I don’t stare at my phone for the next 3 hours. Please pray for us. And for me to stay sane. Thank you.