What’s Up Lately

We have known Aili for 2 months now. I know it’s ridiculously cliche to say, but it seems like she’s always been with us. It seems impossible to love someone so much in such a short time. When we were going through the process to bring her home, I had a thought every once in awhile – will I be able to love her as much as Raleigh? Even though I believed I could, the thought did cross my mind. But my love for her was instant. My heart aches with love for her. It’s that mommy love. The I would die for you in a second kind of love.

I want to protect her, and show her how a mommy cares. I want her to feel all that she missed out on during those years, to baby her. It is important to do this with adopted children, instead of skipping those vital steps in development. Then they can catch up and move forward. If not, there will always be that missing link. But at the same time I have to help her become independent. This is tricky for me. I want to keep feeding her, putting on her clothes and shoes, and carrying her around everywhere. But I also have a responsibility to prepare her for school. I don’t want to rush this time. My one wish is that I had more time, that she was a little younger. Well, and for her health.

We went to the eye doctor a couple weeks ago. She was not able to distinguish the pictures for the eye test. I called a week before the appointment and asked what the pictures were going to be so we could practice them. And we did. I pulled up Google images for each, and we looked at many different pictures of cars, horses, old fashion telephones, hands, and something else I can’t remember right now. But they neglected to tell me that the images look more like tribal symbols. They were hard for us to figure out. Aili could point out 100 different kinds of these items on the computer, but the pics they used in the office were confusing. I’d say they need to do some updating!

But they did dilate her eyes and did some other tests. He said he predicted glasses in her future, but thought they weren’t necessary right now. So that’s good! One kid in glasses is enough for the time being. They are expensive and hard to keep up with!

As far as her ptosis (muscles weakness in eyelids)…the doctor labeled her as having “severe ptosis”. Her eyelids don’t lift on their own at all. There is no crease. He said he doubted that she had ANY muscle there. She uses her forehead muscles to lift them a little, then tilts her head far back. I try to get down on her level when I can, because it looks so painful for her neck. Even straight ahead for her is a strain on her forehead and neck. It could definitely be affecting the growth of her spine and the development of her vision as well. Sooooo, unfortunately the answer of how to fix it is surgery 🙁 We knew this was most likely going to be necessary. But that doesn’t stop me from freaking out. We thought heart surgery would be first. Her pediatric cardiologist cleared her for the eye surgery though. We have already decided to do the heart surgery in the summer. Should she go into surgery with a problematic heart??? I guess we have to trust the doctors on this one.

Surgery is scheduled for next Thursday 2/13 at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Scottish Rite. Yesterday, she had an anesthesia pre-op appointment. The anesthesia department wanted to check her out to see if she’s okay to go under general anesthesia. While we were there for that appointment, we also were going to the lab at the hospital for a complete workup. This is something we’ve been planning on doing since we got home, but we wanted to wait a bit before she was stuck with a needle since the last time (in China) was so traumatic for her.

Lucky me, I had to collect stool and urine samples before we went. Six different vials for the poop! Oh the things we do for our children. We went to the appointment first and the anesthesiologist wanted us to go to radiology for X-rays and also added a couple blood tests to our already long list from her pediatrician. She wanted to make sure her neck was stable enough for intubation during the surgery. Good Lord.

The screaming and crying that commenced just walking into the X-ray room is enough to break anyone’s heart. She was clawing for me on the table and they were holding down her arms and legs. This is hard on any mama! But knowing she has gone through so much already, and not being able to explain to her why it’s happening and that it’s for a good reason only makes it that much harder. Does she have any idea why? Does she think I’ve just decided to cause her pain?  We went straight to the lab after that. This was even worse, if you can imagine. They took at least 8 vials of blood while me, the staff, and other patients listened to her blood-curdling screams.

Please send light, love, and healing energy to Aili and all the doctors and hospital staff that will be taking care of her. And send calming energy to her mama!

On a happier note, she has been doing fantastic! She’s picking up English at a lightening pace. And the quickness she picks up new signs and her memory to produce them correctly the very next time without my help blows my mind. She knows most of her body parts and basic colors. She’s doing well with shapes, can count to 10 (most of the time), and says her ABCs mostly without help. She’s so smart. Most people can’t believe she’s only been in America for 7 weeks. It’s pretty amazing to watch her growth.

Gymnastics was the first thing we tried where she would be separated from me for a short period of time. Although she could see me in the watching room through the big window. The first day she did great! She didn’t cry at all. We really couldn’t believe it because she’s so attached to me. I was so happy! Yes, working on attachment is very important, but I can’t have this child attached at my hip 13 hours a day without a break forever! Unfortunately, the next two times at gymnastics didn’t go so smoothly. Luckily, the staff are very understanding and let me sit down on the floor with her. Which seem to make everything okay and the crying to stop.

We also started swimming. The only class that allowed parents in the pool with their child is the infant class, so I asked to be put in that class. They weren’t crazy about putting a 5 year old in that class because there are plenty of other classes that would be “more appropriate”. But after speaking with a manager and explaining our situation, she was happy to let us in. We did that class for 3 weeks. When she finally let the coach hold her in the water for a few seconds without crying, we moved her to a class without me. Two weeks so far and she’s doing great! She loves the water! She asks repeatedly every day for a bath. And she’d stay in there all day if I let her. Complete opposite of Raleigh!

After doing gymnastics and swimming once a week for a few weeks, we decided to try out a program at Roswell Park. It’s called Premiere ABC, and it focuses on preparing the children for pre-K or kindergarden. I’ve been working on language non-stop with her and basic concepts, but I know I’m not a teacher and don’t have the tools (or desire quite honestly) to do all of the teaching. It’s a two day a week class split up into 3 year olds and 4 or 5 year olds. She is about 3 developmentally, so the teacher and I put her in that class. The first day I just had her go for about an hour and a half. The class is 9am-1pm. I sat in the lobby where I had shown her I’d be, and she stayed! The teacher said she did great. YIPPY! This week, she went Tuesday and Thursday the whole four hours 🙂 Tuesday I had to stay in the lobby because she says over and over, “Mommy stay.”

They don’t want parents staying in this class at all. I had to explain to the teachers and the program director that she still doesn’t know when I leave if I’m coming back. So DO NOT expect her to cry it out when she’s calling for me. It’s not like a biological child that has had their mom leave hundreds of times by this point and have learned that she always comes back. They told me Tuesday I could go run errands or something during the four hours of class. I said, “No. I told her I’d be sitting right here. If, when you switch rooms, she sees I’m not here, some trust will be broken.” Not something I’m willing to risk. I sat there for four hours.

This program is awesome, as well as the teachers. It’s set up and runs just like a classroom. They said she asks for me when they change from one activity to another. Basically when she has time to remember I’m not there. But they redirect her and it’s fine. She’s working on penmanship. It’s obvious this wasn’t done before. In the beginning, it seemed like she’d never even held a pencil and her coloring is more like a 1-2 year old. But the teacher gave us worksheets and she’s been doing them at home. I think this class is a great transition for her!

Ok, good grief, I think I’m done for now. Since this is a blog about Aili and the adoption process, it is primarily about her. But I can’t exclude Lovey Dovey, Mama Monkey, Tuty Fruity – Raleigh. So here are some sister love pics to conclude with…